Saturday, August 26
I won't lie. I won't try. I wont cry.
But life's been a living hell.
Was really sick up to the point where I started throwing up my meals and I my whole attitude changed. I no longer felt the urge to watch tv or listen t music. Like %&!#*!$. Snow Patrol became a hindrance t my precious ears. The song You Could Be Happy felt like it was cut out for all the wrong reasons. Run made me want t gurge it's eyes out. I was an emotional wreck. It sucked & therefore I've come to confess.
School's really messed up right now. It's unfortunately my only happy place. People go t school for masquerades. It's all a lie. Not that anything's for real anymore. & it's amazing how every single person's blog I go to reads of their anxiety and how their whole world seems t be crashing down on them like a mellowdramatic calamity. Oh yes, all the bloody world's a stage.
Everything seems t be happening so fast. It's like life on wheels has accelerated. Prelims are in 2 weeks! & I feel like I'm not doing enough. I need t perfect my learning volume. I need to speed up. It's agitating really especially when you go t a school packed with world-class story-tellers, magicians and stuntmans.
Not only did I think my whole world was crashing down on me, my cat departed from the world on the 21st of August. That's when I felt God wasn't being fair. I mean dwell me in stress. Feed me bad health. But that wasn't very nice taking away something that I loved. She was my baby. She always was. Since the day she was born I nurtured her, I fed her. I engraved full responsibility. The connection was almost immiscible.
But now she's gone. & all I'm left with is a memory and regret. Regret of not spending enough time with her. Regret of not visiting her every time I passed by. It's all my fault. I'll never forgive myself till the day I die. I've even gone vegetarian for a whole month. I know it's absurd t do such things just for a cat. But she's God creation too. She's my Princess' creation. I moulded her.
I'll always love you.
Your dainty paws, how it pranced up and down the sill.
Your ever so soft fur, how I could feel it and imagine heaven.
You were the light of my soul.
& will always, ALWAYS be.
Pumpkin
Family of Dinisha
Left the world t be with God on 21st of August
May you rest in peace.
I LOVE YOU.
Sigh.
& Death makes the world submissive.
If i could turn back time, I would.
Just t be with you.
It's not easy getting over, but it's got t be done.
Somehow, somewhere.
Time heals all wounds. It's true. Today I wore shoes again! & I'm much better although my throat's still an open grave. And I've finally turned on my iPod again! It feels SO GOOD. & guess what? Snow Patrol's Headlights on Dark Roads came on. & I loved every damn bit of it. Hell Yeah.
Just got back from dinner a few moments ago. We contemplated on the venue like for the longest time! Hahahah. It was hilarious. Finally, Dad brought us t this Japanese Restaurant at Kiang Road. Pretty good really. After which we got a message from Dad's secretary saying SWEE KEE HAS REOPENED AT NORTH BRIDGE ROAD! OMG YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW HAPPY I AM. I'M SO ESCTATIC I JUST CANNOT STOP TALKING IN CAPS. HAHAH.
Heh. The best chicken rice in the whole universe is here again. Just remember the Sundays after Aikido going there with my older brother. It was one of the little things I looked forward to. Gosh, it feels so good.
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you, dear.
Hmmm. Sometimes, I just wonder if things would turn out for the best. Right now, my feelings are SO MESSED, it's obnoxious.
Can't wait for Thursday! Hope you guys come (:
Be the angel on my sill once again.
Sure, I'm digging my own grave.
din
