Friday, September 8
2 am and she calls me cause I'm still awake.
Can you help me unravel my latest mistake
I don't love him, fall just wasn't my season.
2 am and I'm still awake writing a song
If I get it all down on paper, it's not longer inside of me,
threatening the life it belongs to
Cause these words are my diary
Screaming out
loud.
& I know you'll use them, however you want t.
Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on the cable
& life's like an hourglass, glued t the table.
But my God, it's so beautiful when the boy smiles.
Wanna hold him;
maybe I'll just sing about it.Breathe.
Just Breathe.
I've become the dancer in the dark. All my shadows erased from collision. I live in denial. I lie t myself, ALOT. That's the biggest dumbass mistake I've ever made. T me, everything's majorly masqueraded, including my dumb ol' self. I think that my ability t live day t day is because of the fact that I live the lie. It's come t a point that thinking the truth is the impossible.
But hey, I'm just an innocent girl exposed t the harmful effects that the evil world has t offer. I'm living the lie. Unfortunately, as much as we all don't want it t be, it's real. What's not real are my dreams. My unreachable goals. Don't get me wrong. I'm not giving up, I'm just being real.
SA SA SA SA SA SA SA SA SA SA SA SA SA SA AC AC AC AC AC AC AC AC AC AC AC AC AC
SIGH.
My desire t enter first 2 months are immaculately unimmaculate. It's like, yeah, sure, it'd be better for me. But can I? Am I mentally possible? I want t be. Like so bad. Goshh, it's worrying me so much.
But
I'm too young t worry.My weakness is that I care too much.
Today'd be a year if we were still together. Well, techincally yesterday, cause it's 12.05 now. It's left me with a scar. But scars remind me that the past was real. But how could it be when it wasn't real. It wasn't intimate. It wasn't me.
He gave me the world. The emptiness of it, as t mention. Every scoundrel aspect of it. I was fooled and fooled again I stood in the dark. Blinded by every little detail. All that was conceived was the light of eternity. That I would live in despair, dismay. Shyeahh, don't we all.
He promised me; dead promises. A heart of gold; ingenuine gold. He peppered me with sweet nothings. The one's I could relate to. Unfortunately, I was having a relationship with his sweet nothings; not him.
He drew me into his trap; there,
I fell. Hard.
I have no regrets. Just scars. It beat me down that hard see. I wrote song after song. Poem after poem. But they made no sense after it all. It was like a painted a picture of nothing. Fading away. Slowly, but surely.
I don't see the point in this really. I didn't fall in love. I fell into his illusion. Like I said. I fell in love with his words. By the way his mind works, it brought brilliance t a whole new level. I'd write a documentary on it but only, no one would agree t my tacky idea. I'd write a book on it, only I'm already on one and it would be mindless t just stop half-way.
& besides, how much would it be worth in the end. Nothing. Zilch. What I'm trying t say is, I had my share. Like a child's birthday cake. Oversized and yet, fed thirty hungry kids. Sure, I miss it. But the it has become nothing. It's just a word t describe something. It describes objects.
We were an object of desperation. But 3's always a crowd.
He once asked me, 'What's love?'
I had about a gazzilion answers, of which I only answered, 'I wouldn't know, I've never been in it. But I'll be sure t let you know once I get there.'
Shyeahh, sure.
Meanless t say. I didn't fall in love..
Cause ♥?
A joke.
A prank.
A lie.
A dejavu.
A dellusion.
A crime.
A life.
A heartbreak.
A tune.
A voice.
A melody.
A distance.
A vow.
A passion.
An affection.
A namesake.
A fool.
A pattern.
An embrace.
A celebration.
A story.
A mile.
A perfection.
A vision.
A future.
A waste of time.
So today was pretty okay. Samrina stayed over again and we were supposed t wake up at like 12.30 t study but we were too tired from the night before. Sigh. Major slackers. So she's over again today so we'll be pulling an all-nighter. Really need t get down t business. Want it so bad t work for it.
Okay, so she beat me in daiti. Crap. I was winning lah. My aura- whoa, kena sai. Nehmind. We'll be spending our post O levels at Settlers. I will win then. Yakin (:
Otherwise, I made it early for tuition today. Did E math cause I figured I'd been paying too much attention t Chem. So tonight's Physics. And Emath again tomorrow. Phew.
Was supposed t go to Jihan's for English help, but as usual, I cocked up. Probably go tomorrow if I'm up t it. Sorry Jihan. Got a load of rest since I didn't go. Got t catch up on my sleep man. I'm self-deprived.
Sometimes, I dont even know why
I tell you this.Would it help you? No.
Would it liven you? No.
Cause I'm a fuss-pot.
From tomorrow onwards, which means today, I'm gonna liven up my life.
Wait for my debut.
I'm bringing sexy back ;)
But who knows what tomorrow brings, a better day perhaps.
Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps.
din
