THISISmydance.

Tuesday, October 31

Hell-O Halloween.

The world is imploding
while I explode from within
I cannot gather the words fast enough
to form any kind of coherent sentence

So I should contend with
only disjointed fragments.

As they reverberate, ricochet,
rocket and reel.

"Miss", "Frightened", "Doomed" and "Failure"
In my jaundiced state,
these are the only words I offer.

& stopping myself from saying anything remotely, pathetically peevish.

The MotherTounge O Levels were yesterday. Boy, oh boy do I totally suck in that language. I guess Paper 1 was was fairly pleasant, no complaints. Paper 2 was horrible. So horrible, I think I doomed myself into the next century. & what is it about malay comprehensions and family-abandonment or something. Like DUDE, you've got issues man.

I read your words
& my head is dizzy now.
"Me? Me? Me?"
I ask myself.

"No. No. No."
I reply myself.
My pessimism gets the better
of me. Now that hope is lost.
Sutures do little to stem
the flow of outpouring lamentation now.
Because...I am too much of a coward.

Dear Folks,
I thrive on randomity.
Hell, it makes me smile.

Pace with me, if you must.

Went running at 2 am last night. I just needed the adrinalin. Ran through Siglap Link, which was amazingly quiet. It was a teeny bit scary, cause of the dark shadows. Admist the making-out couples and the scary toumb that never fails to freak me out, there was an overwhelming peace.
It was quite nice, the symmetry albeit a blurred, twisted image.

I had a moment of peace, but then I ran back home thinking of my comfy bed that awaits me oh so dear.

in the secret, in the quiet place.

Running is cool, endorphins and the other jazz that makes a bio student's day.
So I ran away.
Figuratively, literally.

So it's apparently Halloween today. How I remember running through the streets of Ocean Park back in the day, with catwoman costumes and candle-lit lanterns prancing about with Snow White and Robin Hood by my side because I needed them. I was afraid of the dark.
"Trick or Treat!" we'd say. And goodies. Oh, the goodies inflammed a lighted splint in me that lasted over a minute till I remembered Joey. The kid from across the block. Wheel-chair bound, watching us from his window, sharing our joy, but I couldn't quite ignore the pity.
I remember the painstakingly decorated houses, scary, yet sublime. It was like a parade. I love parades. I love Halloween. Not now. Just back in the day.

Mum brought home the yearly decorated Pumpkin. This year's themed, "Cheeky". Don't ask why. Sculpting's not my thing. But it looked quite good. The kids around the neighbourhood rang in one by one. I got so tired of rushing out to give them their treats that I resorted to doing my art-work near the doorway. Desperate Times, people.

Why's it always Treat and never Trick. HMMMM? - immiscible greedy fo0ls.
HAHAH.

and the telephone wires
that carry the sound
stretch across the sky
and under the ground.

Have I mentioned how much I detest art. Yeah, after tomorrow, I'm FREE FROM ART BABYYY! Hell, does that make me glee with anticipation (: Paper's at 2. Sushi with the girls/girl after that. I Cannot Wait.

The further I withdraw, the more I realise the distance between me and freedom. I will never be happy. I will just bottle up my hurt and wish that the world will just hurry and die from a haemorrhage and leave me the fuck alone.
Where the fault lies in me and I lie in denial's bed, I will slumber and never wake. Choosing only dreams where I am flaw-free and innocent. And not the nightmares where I am Hyde. The purveyor of all that is pure. The yeast that turns fresh cream pungent and sour.

I am my own pestilence.
I am my own executioner.
I am my own demon.
I am my own, to call my own.

When will I learn to let the little things go?

Fuck you potentially crippling angsty posts!

Dinisha = biggest moron ever to walk the face of the earth.
Trust me, it's true. I should know better than you.
There is no other, more imbelcilic than me.

One thing.
I miss you.
Oh, you couldn't even begin to imagine.
And everytime your name
just so happens to come up in a conversation,
I think of you. And it leaves me sedate
for the rest of the week.
No, I'm exaggerating.
Forgive me.

read into this if you want
although nothing good will come out of it
and remind yourself
that it isn't you I'm talking about.
Because it's probably not.

I'm off to delve in the sweet crumblings of Art, in hope of an awesomely becomming grade. Wish me well. I love you all, every single one of you. Fail not to remember that.

Compound my fears, now.
I dare you.
Do it.

"I'll eat you all, my pretties." said the Pumpkin.

din