Sunday, March 4
The sky segmented, the dark canopy drawing bold black outlines, my eyes distinguish the segregation between heaven and earth. Sweat smudges and stings, I grimace and wince but the image is not entirely lost. I hold this revelation tightly, dearly, I am over-awed. Beneath the soles of my feet the gravel grunts and grates, restlessly tossing and turning, sliding me uneasily down my path. Uneasily I take heed, I shuffle, I increase my speed, taking me leagues from where my heart is in keep. Like the swirling of milk into coffee, I become diffused into the absolute blackness around me, slowly thinning until I am but a wisp and then I disappear.
My mind is lost first.
But my body feels the cold of night. My fingers tingle; it is pins-and-needles that prickle my skin ceaselessly. A blanket of dew settles on me, like cold silk against my skin, I think morbidly, this is my death veil. Like the gravel previously, now it is my turn to toss and turn restlessly as beings of a higher order trample on me. I am listless in my sleep.
I awake feverish, hoarse in the throat and dry in the mouth. Too much screaming.
Why I pry into such unearthly thoughts, for which I cannot comprehend myself. My mind shreiks with ample disgust. I pay it no heed. I have already drowned out all trivialities, my mind focuses on the task at hand.
Walking beneath the surface of the truth I realise what I've prevailed. My summoned thoughts extinguish the dreary, yet bold tangle. Why should there be any more need to hide?
There is no more need to take refuge in kind words and soothing tones, I feel it is best to be honest - to come clean or so to speak.
I feel so fucking alone and cold.
There is no warmth in this world, no shining beacon of hope that both illuminates and offers heat. The sun does not suffice. Nor the radiance from friendship bolster the exact same effect.
I'd like to trade this desperation for something more intense. A passionate embrace perhaps, one that causes me to tremble violently and at the same time fall into a calm so quiet, I appear seemingly ghostly.
To that consequence, I lay my heart bear, awaiting an ambush. An ambush so sweet, it tingles into my taste buds, knowing that through every second spared, I'd only want to be with you.
Sometimes, I wonder if I'm trapped in the land of eternal sorrow.
I feel stupid with a smile plastered on my face.
The curve of my lips display a fantango but only overturning with a trajectory of tears as they run down my face.
"Cry on cue!" they say through sobs and weeps.
"I promise I'll try," I say through a grin, through gritted teeth.
Schools about to start soon & my musics coming along slowly but surely. The need for my lethal existance transcends a message of melancholy. I hunger for a purpose. I will bite off the sweetness of the everlasting doughnut.
&
i desire your every vision in my path. Surely, I am the same kind of idiot, and I can't help it.
din
